THE EVOLUTION OF JUDICIAL TYRANNY IN THE UNITED STATES:

"If the judges interpret the laws themselves, and suffer none else to interpret, they may easily make, of the laws, [a shredded] shipman's hose!" - King James I of England, around 1616.

“No class of the community ought to be allowed freer scope in the expression or publication of opinions as to the capacity, impartiality or integrity of judges than members of the bar. They have the best opportunities of observing and forming a correct judgment. They are in constant attendance on the courts. Hundreds of those who are called on to vote never enter a court-house, or if they do, it is only at intervals as jurors, witnesses or parties. To say that an attorney can only act or speak on this subject under liability to be called to account and to be deprived of his profession and livelihood by the very judge or judges whom he may consider it his duty to attack and expose, is a position too monstrous to be entertained for a moment under our present system,” Justice Sharwood in Ex Parte Steinman and Hensel, 95 Pa 220, 238-39 (1880).

“This case illustrates to me the serious consequences to the Bar itself of not affording the full protections of the First Amendment to its applicants for admission. For this record shows that [the rejected attorney candidate] has many of the qualities that are needed in the American Bar. It shows not only that [the rejected attorney candidate] has followed a high moral, ethical and patriotic course in all of the activities of his life, but also that he combines these more common virtues with the uncommon virtue of courage to stand by his principles at any cost.

It is such men as these who have most greatly honored the profession of the law. The legal profession will lose much of its nobility and its glory if it is not constantly replenished with lawyers like these. To force the Bar to become a group of thoroughly orthodox, time-serving, government-fearing individuals is to humiliate and degrade it.” In Re Anastaplo, 18 Ill. 2d 182, 163 N.E.2d 429 (1959), cert. granted, 362 U.S. 968 (1960), affirmed over strong dissent, 366 U.S. 82 (1961), Justice Black, Chief Justice Douglas and Justice Brennan, dissenting.

" I do not believe that the practice of law is a "privilege" which empowers Government to deny lawyers their constitutional rights. The mere fact that a lawyer has important responsibilities in society does not require or even permit the State to deprive him of those protections of freedom set out in the Bill of Rights for the precise purpose of insuring the independence of the individual against the Government and those acting for the Government”. Lathrop v Donohue, 367 US 820 (1961), Justice Black, dissenting.

"The legal profession must take great care not to emulate the many occupational groups that have managed to convert licensure from a sharp weapon of public defense into blunt instrument of self-enrichment". Walter Gellhorn, "The Abuse of Occupational Licensing", University of Chicago Law Review, Volume 44 Issue 1, September of 1976.

“Because the law requires that judges no matter how corrupt, who do not act in the clear absence of jurisdiction while performing a judicial act, are immune from suit, former Judge Ciavarella will escape liability for the vast majority of his conduct in this action. This is, to be sure, against the popular will, but it is the very oath which he is alleged to have so indecently, cavalierly, baselessly and willfully violated for personal gain that requires this Court to find him immune from suit”, District Judge A. Richard Caputo in H.T., et al, v. Ciavarella, Jr, et al, Case No. 3:09-cv-00286-ARC in the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Pennsylvania, Document 336, page 18, November 20, 2009. This is about judges who were sentencing kids to juvenile detention for kickbacks.

Friday, June 26, 2026

The Miraculous Healing Story of Sir Marcus Josephus McBridus Snailius of The Chenangus Slimery Castle

 

Marcus Josephus McBridus Snailius, Custos Slimi (known to friends as JM Slime), of the pre-eminent Chenangus Slimery Castle, had a problem.

Every morning he awoke with the same miserable feeling: the goddamn suckers just would-not-leave!  They lived in his head permanently, for decades and decades.

They are like a very big very bad penny coming back and back.  He thought they were gone yesterday.  Guess what - this morning they were back - AGAIN.

Fragments floated through his transparent nautilus shell like annoying little bubbles.

"...maligned defense counsel..."

Bubble.

"...not served..."

Bubble.

"...Judiciary Law § 14..."

Bubble.

"...Baby Hancock..."

Bubble.

"...old hag..." - that one was especially persistent - because of that, and that, and that, and, certainly, THAT - and that, too.  That hag!! - really started to bother J.M. Slime's right eyestalk, and the left one, too.

Buuuuuuuubble.

Marcus J.M. Snailius growled.

"They just keep crawling back..."

The bubbles drifted lazily inside of his shell, refusing to dissolve.

Finally he made it to the Institute of Molluscan Behavioral Therapy.

Doctor Gaston Slug, M.D., Ph.D., F.A.M.P.
(Fellow of the Academy of Molluscan Psychiatry)

looked over his spectacles.

"Recurring intrusive memories?"

Marcus sighed.

"They just wouldn't leave."

Doctor Slug nodded knowingly.

"A classic case."

He opened a thick medical manual.

Treatment of Persistent Molluscan Obsessive Retaliatory Disorder

He raised one eyestalk.

"Step One."

"Drown the memories in slime."

Marcus nodded.

"I've tried."

Doctor Slug made a note.

Insufficient slime.

He calmly turned the page.

"Step Two."

Marcus leaned forward.

Doctor Slug lowered his voice.

"Drown THEM in slime."

Marcus stared.

"Them?"

"The source of the memories."

Marcus's eyestalks slowly brightened.

"...Doctor..."

"...that's brilliant."

Doctor Slug smiled professionally.

"I know."

"Would you like the Deluxe Slime Immersion Package?"

Marcus nodded enthusiastically.

By the time he left the Institute, the transparent refinery inside his shell was working at full capacity.

Fresh memories entered through the intake valve - right into the satisfactory foaming green slime:

Justice - bwomp-ya

RIP bubble.

Out of sight - out of mind.

Fairness - RIP bubble

Notice.  

Service.

Truth.

Integrity.  That one was the easiest to sink, being the tiniest of all.

Finally, after a great deal of delightful RIP-bubbling, hissing and filtering, one perfectly polished pearl floated out of the refinery.

It read:

WHEREAS, upon careful consideration of all relevant circumstances, and in the interests of the orderly administration of justice, fairness and protection of the integrity of judicial process, the Court finds that appropriate relief is warranted; accordingly, and for good cause shown...

Marcus Snailius smiled.

Now it looked official and finally - FINALLY - he can be really-really SLIME-HAPPY!!!!



Sir Snailius was SO VERY HAPPY with the results of the Molluscan Behavioral Therapy - he was completely HEALED - at least for now, before the appellicus and vacaturus insects arrive (maybe they will, maybe they won't - but the RELIEF is here, at least for SOME TIME).

So happy that he gave Dr. Gaston Slug typographically printed orders (100 of them, for now, not to undermine incentives for future therapy bouts, if needed) - saying "I APPROVE ANYTHING THE BEARER OF THIS WANTS" - in gold letters.  With officially slimy, pleasantly glowing - and SMELLING! - signature and stamp.

And - Sir Snailius then spread his happy story across Chenangus Slimery and beyond... and beyond... for other snailiuses in other slimeries to learn and awe... and awe...



Dr. Slug sold a lot of these testimonials, as book covers for his exciting therapy promotion.

A Message from the Institute of Molluscan Behavioral Therapy

For over two thousand years, the Institute of Molluscan Behavioral Therapy has been the world's leading provider of advanced Slime Immersion Therapy for distinguished members of the gastropod judiciary, prosecution, and administrative bureaucracy.

Have unpleasant memories?

Do irritating blog posts keep floating back into your shell?

Do phrases like

"...maligned defense counsel..."

or

"...not served..."

or 

     "...you should recuse if all you want is drown them in your own slime..."

unexpectedly invade your thoughts?

Do you suffer from recurrent outbreaks of Judiciary Law § 14, default judgments, or persistent old hag syndrome?

You are not alone.

Thousands of highly respected mollusks suffer every day from Persistent Molluscan Obsessive Retaliatory Disorder (PMORD).

Fortunately, modern molluscan science has the answer.

The Deluxe Slime Immersion Package™

Our patented Slime Refinery™ technology gently removes unwanted memories while preserving the appearance of complete judicial objectivity.

Simply feed intrusive thoughts into the transparent refinery.

The system automatically converts them into premium-quality official prose.

Guaranteed output includes such classics as:

WHEREAS...

Upon careful consideration...

In the interests of the orderly administration of justice...

The Court finds...

Accordingly...

No conscience.

No fairness.

No unpleasant recollections.

Just smooth, professional, courtroom-ready language.

Testimonials

"The goddamn suckers just wouldn't leave!"

— Marcus J. M. Snailius, Custos Slimi

After only one Deluxe Slime Immersion Package™, The Most Honorably Slimy Marcus reported:

✔ Dramatically reduced awareness of Justice

✔ Near-complete elimination of Fairness

✔ Successful suppression of Truth

✔ Permanent disappearance of Integrity

Most importantly—

his official prose has never looked better.


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