Once upon a time, in the glorious Tri-County Judicial Kingdom, there stood a giant pink castle known as the Tower of Judicial Infallibility.
Above its gates hung a golden sign:
“Past grudges never retire. They get promoted.”
And in that kingdom lived two mighty masters of procedural sorcery.
The first was Supreme Wizard McBride, Keeper of the ancient scroll known as
“Vendetta Playbook No. 1.”
The second was King Baker the Magnificent, Lord of Deadline Extensions and Reviver of Dead Motions.
Wizard McBride possessed a rare magical power:
anything that had already died procedurally could be resurrected with one swing of his enchanted gavel.
“Moot?” he would say.
“Nullified? Excellent! Bring it back anyway!”
King Baker possessed an even stranger gift:
he could simultaneously be:
a judge,
a defaulting defendant
and still preside over his opponent's cases - including his own.
Whenever peasants nervously whispered:
“But Your Majesty… they are suing you…”
King Baker smiled calmly from his throne of stacked motion papers.
“Exactly,” he replied.
“That is why I understand the matter better than anyone.”
And so life in Tri-County Justice Land continued peacefully.
Until one terrible day.
Two terrifying creatures arrived at the castle gates:
Disabled pro se litigants.
They did not ask for treasure.
They did not ask for power.
They did not ask for dragons.
They asked for something far more dangerous.
ADA accommodations.
The court clerks screamed.
The lawyers fainted dramatically onto leather briefcases.
The Emergency Siren of Procedural Doom began to howl throughout the kingdom.
“WARNING!” cried the royal herald.
“They are requesting… reasonable modifications!”
Panic spread through the Judicial Ivory Tower.
Wizard McBride immediately summoned the Council of Ancient Grievances.
“Who are these people?” asked a young clerk.
McBride narrowed his eyes darkly.
“Long ago,” he said slowly, “one of them defeated me in criminal court.”
The room gasped.
“And then,” McBride continued bitterly, “the appellate court wrote extremely unpleasant things about me.”
The torches flickered.
“What things?” whispered the terrified clerk.
McBride unrolled the ancient Third Department scroll and read aloud in horror:
“…maligned defense counsel and his arguments…”
The entire courtroom crossed itself with gavels.
Meanwhile, King Baker sat proudly upon his golden throne made entirely of extension motions.
Around him towered enormous piles labeled:
“VOID AB INITIO,”
“REVIVED SANCTIONS,”
“MOTION STILL ALIVE SOMEHOW,”
and the darkest procedural magic of all:
“CONFERENCE SCHEDULED ANYWAY.”
Below the throne stood the legendary Ducking Stool of Judicial Efficiency.
And beneath it sat the two disabled litigants in wheelchairs.
Cold water of Procedural Fairness poured over their heads.
The man’s feet bled onto the courthouse floor.
“Perhaps,” said one nervous young page, “we should grant an accommodation?”
The courtroom exploded with laughter.
King Baker slammed his royal scepter.
“In THIS kingdom,” he declared,
“ADA stands for:
Add More Deadlines Automatically.”
Thunderous applause erupted from the VIP Lawyer Section.
Rubber ducks rained from the ceiling.
A court jester danced through the hall shouting:
“REVIVE THE VOID!
IGNORE THE LAW!
PUNISH THE DISABLED FOR DARING TO COMPLAIN!”
And all around the kingdom, the official motto glittered proudly in gold:
“Justice Delayed Is Justice Denied.
But Procedural Revenge Is Forever.”
PS After King Baker was notified of this fairy tale, he immediately added another motion to dismiss with a personal appearance to the pile
PPS By the way, you may see the entertaining slaughter of two disabled litigants, one of them this journalist, in real time, on May 20, 2026 on this calendar of King Baker if you apply for virtual appearance (only e-mail address is needed).
You may apply to watch the circus here.
Just fill out the application giving an e-mail to receive the link, and not your name or address. The names and index numbers of cases can be obtained from the "King Baker calendar" link above.
I will greatly appreciate if you tell me that you applied, I need at least an approximate count of members of the public who watched the court hearing - because the court adamantly refused to put such applications, and how they are being handled by the court, into the official docket.
My concern is not trivial. Before, another judge did this:
That judge had the audacity to ask my son, who the judge knew served in the 82nd Airborne, why the heck he wanted to see how his elderly and disabled parents would be discriminated and abused by that judge in an online hearing.
The unlawful questioning of my son by Justice Patrick J. O'Sullivan occurred EX PARTE (the little "order" I published up above was not put into the official NYSCEF file).
Know that such little orders are patently unlawful. Please, report to me if anything like that happens.
And, by the way, this is Judge McBride's calendar for the same day, May 20, 2026 - only Judge McBride, more efficiently, did not hold any hearings, even where he had to, see my recent blogs about Judge McBride here, here and here.
He simply co-ordinated the calendar with King Baker, A DEFENDANT in one of the cases that Judge McBride jammed on us on the same calendar date - making it that much difficult to respond to King Baker's POST-DEFAULT motion to dismiss without leave of court. See my blogs about King Baker here, here and here.
But - in the TriCounty Judicial La-La Land time froze as a mosquito in resin - nothing changes, nobody changes, no law applies. Business as usual.
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